Reading for Self: Going to China
February 5, 2008 § Leave a comment
Deck: Llewellyn Tarot
Date: 2/4/08 Tuesday
Time: started 11pm
Spread: question string
Q: 3 cards about my plan to teach in China this year (vs. next year):
9 of Swords / King of Swords / 2 of Cups RV
I was really taken aback by this spread. I expected to see something mixed, or to see some distinct advantages over going sooner, but this paints a very grim picture of things. The 9 of Swords points to mourning, probably grief over being separated from B; the 2 of Cups RV builds on that, pointing to trouble between B and I, most likely due to the stress of a long distance relationship. The King of Swords reminds me of B at his coldest. He is always a sword person, cutting through the crap and seeing what is there, and saying bluntly what is there too. I think this definitely points to my year revolving around my relationship with B and troubles that might arise. (Note: King of Swords also came up in a spread about whether or not I would get a job last summer.)
Clearly this is not optimal. I was upset when I saw this. I want my year to be an amazing and unforgettable experience. I expect things will be difficult for B and I, but I also had hoped that my nerves were unfounded and that we were mature and stable enough to get through it with as little heartache and turmoil as possible.
But then my thoughts about China are not necessarily focused on being in China, especially when doing this reading. I am focusing a lot on how this will affect B and I. He is the main reason I decided to move my China trip up to this year, and he is the reason for my nerves about going over, much more than culture shock, teaching hardship, loneliness, or anything else that may cause a negative (or even positive) experience. Is it really so hard to believe that my tarot reading then focused on B and not other aspects of China? I would like to do another reading a little later, especially as details get ironed out, to consciously focus on various areas of my life and not just the aspect that’s drowning out the rest.
After these initial three cards, I pulled a card to further define the 2 of Cups RV:
8 of Wands
I consulted the book due to confusion about how it fits. The book points to quarreling, and also the choice between opportunities or love, which really matches what the year would see with our relationship: going at all is a sacrifice for our relationship, though not going could also be seen as a seed for possible trouble later on. I never want to hold any resentment towards B regarding him preventing me from doing the things I want to do in life. One of my dreams is to live abroad, which I want to do, and which my career goals would benefit immensely by. I just have to have faith that the balance can be found where both career and self and also my relationship with B can get enough attention to flourish. (Note: 8 of Wands also came up as my greatest challenge when B’s friend O visited last year.)
Q: How can I protect B and me?
Three of Wands RV / Three of Cups / Six of Pentacles
These three cards mean, respectively: things won’t go well, at least at first it will be bumpy / friends and friendship / generosity and support. I was confused on how they pertained to this question, so I drew another card:
Q: How do these cards protect us?
Page of Cups
The Page of Cups points to optimism, the spirit of young love, and hope. These aspects will bring hope. Three of Wands says that it’s the beginning that will be bumpy, but doesn’t necessarily point to an end result. (Note: Three of Wands RV came up in a spread of the day, saying that I wouldn’t be able to be efficient with Div III work if I focused so much on my emotions.) Three of Cups points to friends being a source of hope and optimism, or alternatively B’s and my friendship will help us through this time. (Note: Three of Cups came up in a relationship spread on B and me, specifically representing our past and our friendship’s development.) Six of Pentacles points to generosity and support, and though I’m still not sure of the tie-in, they sure would help with the hope & optimism part, right?
Q: What can I do in the near future to strengthen our relationship?
Knight of Pentacles
This knight makes slow and steady progress, so take things slow and steady.
Q: Will B and I be able to make it through next year in China?
Knight of Cups RV / 2 of Cups / 7 of Swords
A tentative “yes,” or perhaps more pessimistically, there’s certainly a possibility of it. The Two of Cups really prompts the optimism, especially because it is uprighted from earlier; also, two cards are upright, and the way I understand 3 card yes/no questions, two upright mean there’s a good chance and then the cards describe the situation a bit more. The Knight of Cups points to self-centered behavior, which could point to me being self-centered and not relationship-focused while in China. (Note: Knight of Cups RV came up in a three-card motto that stated, “We are only truly defeated when we dwell on our sorrows.”) The 7 of Swords points to a burden, the burden of a long-distance relationship, or the burden of taking care of emotional needs from across the world (going both ways there).